Confessions of a Pastor

Sometimes I Find Myself Being A People Pleaser

One of the things I hear, from many people, is, “I will do what I want, I don’t care what other people think.” This is something I have said at times also. The older I get, the more I realize I do care what people think.

I am a recovering people pleaser. Is that okay with you?

There are times I cannot stand it when people get mad at me. I feel like I have to fix the situation right away by apologizing and talking with the person. The feeling amplifies when it happens to be a group of people I inadvertently offended somehow.

I do not like it when people are mad at me.

I do not like it when I accidentally hurt people’s feelings. This is one of those times I begin to feel low. I feel like scum because I hurt the feelings of someone I care about.

The list can go on and on.

I also enjoy it when people like me. Not because I am recognized for good work; but because I am liked as a person. This brings happiness and a feeling I have people around I can spend time with and they would enjoy spending time with me.

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone else? How many of you feel this way?

I know I am not the only person who goes through these pursuits of people pleasing. This is not how I operate all the time either. But recognizing and proclaiming this reality is important, for me and for you.

Here’s the thing. If we are doing the work that God has called us to do, not everyone is going to like us. There are some people who will completely reject and despise us because we are doing work for the Kingdom of Heaven.

In Galatians 1:10 (ESV), the Apostle Paul writes, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be servant of Christ.”

The questions I have to ask, and answer, each day is, “Who am I really working for? What are the reasons I do what I do?” You have to answer these also. The quality of our work will actually depend on how we answer these questions. Why?

If we are working to please man, there is a big chance we will cut corners and manipulate the work we do to make us look better so others will like us. This really is not our best work because it is really not focused on the work, but rather on what other people think of the work…of you and me.

Colossians 3:23 (ESV) says, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”

Doing the work for God means we are doing work for a much higher purpose than us, or our personal agendas. Doing work for God means we are going to do the right thing, all the time, in a loving way, so the Kingdom can be expanded.

When we are doing the work for God, and give all glory to God, then we are going to make sure all the “I’s” are dotted and all the “T’s” are crossed. In other words, we are going to make sure the work is the best quality work possible.

Yes, I do like it when people like me. It really makes my job a lot easier. But, the reality is, I do my best to focus on what is best for the Kingdom work in my life, church, community, and ultimately, the world.

My prayer each and every day is simply, “God, you be glorified. Jesus be known and shown. Holy Spirit guide me and strengthen me.”

Putting Out Fires

We are all busy people. There is just too much to do, too much to handle, too much to fix. It never fails that we cannot get ahead in our schedules. Why does this happen?

A few weeks ago, I wrote about having too many “irons in the fire.” Today, let’s focus on why we feel like we constantly have “fires” to put out at work, at home, etc.

First of all, we should realize there is always stuff to do. There are always issues and problems to be taken care of. If we are constantly trying to fix everything around us, or even going behind people to make sure the job or task gets done, think of all the stress that will be on us. We were not designed to handle as much stress as we put upon ourselves. Stress will take a toll on us: physically, emotionally, relationally, and even spiritually.

It is recommended to prioritize what really has to be done. This way, we can constantly see what really matters. So when an issue or problem arises, we can see the tasks we need to work on personally and can find another person to take care of the problem.

There are also issues or problems that just need to “burn out.” By this, I mean these types of issues are not necessarily the ones we need to take care of right away. When you join a team or a committee, we can easily find what needs to be fixed and taken care of. Often times we focus on the minute details that do not matter as much as some people might think they do; but there are some things that just need to wait to be fixed. For example, if there is a policy that really and truly can wait, then create opportunities to examine the issue and find a time to have it set in motion after everyone understands (for the most part) why this policy change needs to happen.

Things take time to be repaired and to be fixed. We should not be in a hurry to try and fix everything. I have heard it said that when we started something, treat it like a marathon not a sprint. In other words, get in the mindset you’ll be there for awhile. Longer term planning and visioning will help to sort out which issues and problems need to be addressed right away and which ones can wait.

Above all, trust that God has equipped you to do the tasks at hand. You and I have been gifted in certain areas and this is where our focus should remain. In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul reminds the church in Corinth they are part of the body of Jesus Christ. You and I are part of this same body. We do not need to do everything; but we should take care of the tasks we are truly gifted to do.

Other people have been placed in our lives to help us accomplish, together, all that God desires done in our lifetime. We are not “lone rangers,” nor should we feel like we are. We have this incredible opportunity to join the Holy Spirit’s work in our world to build up and usher in the Kingdom of God.

May we evaluate what is important to take care of now so we do not get consumed with anxiety and stress which helps us forget we are working with God the Father through Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 12

Brothers and sisters, I don’t want you to be ignorant about spiritual gifts. You know that when you were Gentiles you were often misled by false gods that can’t even speak. So I want to make it clear to you that no one says, “Jesus is cursed!” when speaking by God’s Spirit, and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit. There are different spiritual gifts but the same Spirit; and there are different ministries and the same Lord; and there are different activities but the same God who produces all of them in everyone. A demonstration of the Spirit is given to each person for the common good. A word of wisdom is given by the Spirit to one person, a word of knowledge to another according to the same Spirit, faith to still another by the same Spirit, gifts of healing to another in the one Spirit, 10 performance of miracles to another, prophecy to another, the ability to tell spirits apart to another, different kinds of tongues to another, and the interpretation of the tongues to another. 11 All these things are produced by the one and same Spirit who gives what he wants to each person.

12 Christ is just like the human body—a body is a unit and has many parts; and all the parts of the body are one body, even though there are many. 13 We were all baptized by one Spirit into one body, whether Jew or Greek, or slave or free, and we all were given one Spirit to drink.14 Certainly the body isn’t one part but many. 15 If the foot says, “I’m not part of the body because I’m not a hand,” does that mean it’s not part of the body? 16 If the ear says, “I’m not part of the body because I’m not an eye,” does that mean it’s not part of the body? 17 If the whole body were an eye, what would happen to the hearing? And if the whole body were an ear, what would happen to the sense of smell? 18 But as it is, God has placed each one of the parts in the body just like he wanted.19 If all were one and the same body part, what would happen to the body? 20 But as it is, there are many parts but one body. 21 So the eye can’t say to the hand, “I don’t need you,” or in turn, the head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.” 22 Instead, the parts of the body that people think are the weakest are the most necessary. 23 The parts of the body that we think are less honorable are the ones we honor the most. The private parts of our body that aren’t presentable are the ones that are given the most dignity. 24 The parts of our body that are presentable don’t need this. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the part with less honor 25 so that there won’t be division in the body and so the parts might have mutual concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if one part gets the glory, all the parts celebrate with it. 27 You are the body of Christ and parts of each other.28 In the church, God has appointed first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, the ability to help others, leadership skills, different kinds of tongues. 29 All aren’t apostles, are they? All aren’t prophets, are they? All aren’t teachers, are they? All don’t perform miracles, do they? 30 All don’t have gifts of healing, do they? All don’t speak in different tongues, do they? All don’t interpret, do they? 31 Use your ambition to try to get the greater gifts. And I’m going to show you an even better way.

Are You Able?

Mark 10:38-40 Jesus replied, “You don’t know what you’re asking! Can you drink the cup I drink or receive the baptism I receive?” “We can,” they answered. Jesus said, “You will drink the cup I drink and receive the baptism I receive, but to sit at my right or left hand isn’t mine to give. It belongs to those for whom it has been prepared.”

Ever have a moment when you feel you present your best case to someone and they just shut you down? I have. We can try to think through all the angles and the other person shows another angle we missed.

Jesus does this for James and John. It is very possible they asked Jesus to agree and grant their request before they ask they question because they figured Jesus may not respond favorably. They were right.

I love Jesus’ response here. “Can you…” Well, of course the disciples were going to say YES to whatever Jesus mentioned because they were trying to show they had what it takes to have the positions they were asking for. Jesus is trying to show them they really don’t know what they’re asking for; but they will one day.

Jesus talks about drinking the cup (living the destined purpose) and receiving the baptism (final cleaning of sin). Do you think if the disciples were not understanding the prediction of Jesus’ death that they really understood what Jesus was asking them? To me, this seems like a typical guy response. “Of course I can do that. If you can, I can.”

Jesus looks right through their response here and simply says they will drink the cup and receive the baptism. He was trying to tell them something about their future. James was the first disciple martyred and John was exiled to the island of Patmos. They lived as Jesus predicted they would live.

Jesus lived His earthly life always pointing people to God, God’s Kingdom, heaven; something bigger than His human life. It is difficult to explain the Trinity (God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit); but Jesus reminds the disciples and us that what we think we want in heaven while here on earth, there is something greater than we can imagine ahead.

Are you able to handle what Jesus gives? Are you able to handle the life Jesus calls you to?

With Christ, you can!

Lacking One Thing

Mark 10:17-22 CEB “As Jesus continued down the road, a man ran up, knelt before him, and asked, “Good Teacher, what must I do to obtain eternal life?” Jesus replied, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except the one God. You know the commandments: Don’t commit murder. Don’t commit adultery. Don’t steal. Don’t give false testimony. Don’t cheat. Honor your father and mother.” “Teacher,” he responded, “I’ve kept all of these things since I was a boy.” Jesus looked at him carefully and loved him. He said, “You are lacking one thing. Go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor. Then you will have treasure in heaven. And come, follow me.” But the man was dismayed at this statement and went away saddened, because he had many possessions.”

This is a story I am sure we are very familiar with. Most of us, my guess is, have heard this in relation to sacrificing ourselves and our possessions to follow Christ. But, what if there is another layer we should look at? What is there is a deep truth here about the human condition and about us? Let’s look at what’s going on here.

A rich young man comes along to Jesus, kneels down, and asked what is necessary for eternal life. We have to pause here and see what “eternal life” is. We hear it mainly as a place and state of being we will be after we pass on from this life into life eternal – being in the eternal presence of God. This is partly true; but there is also the aspect of eternal life here and now which is the quality of life we can have and live in knowing the presence and Kingdom of God all around us.

After this, he goes on to say that he has kept all of the commandments from when he was a little boy. Jesus then tells the man, “you lack one thing.” If we’re paying attention to the commandments listed, we can see they only refer to the last 6, the ones that deal with human interactions with each other. He has completely left out one thing – God!

When Jesus doesn’t mention the first four commandments, we shouldn’t assume those didn’t matter. Instead, Jesus asks the man to do something that relates to his heart. Jesus asks the man to give up his possessions and then follow Christ. The man goes away sad because he had many possessions.

Have you felt this way? Are you in a position to understand the feelings of the man? Jesus doesn’t tell everyone to sell their possessions, but he does ask the man about his heart, about who his “god” really is.

We all can hold on to possessions or worldly honors. Possessions in and of themselves are not necessarily bad; but we can miss out on the Kingdom of God by holding on to something too tight. What do you think you’re holding on to that needs to be released so you can experience the Kingdom of God here and now?

Pride?

Arrogance?

Money?

Particular views?

Status?

Through this interaction, Jesus still loved the man. Jesus loves you and is with you too!

I invite you right now to pray and ask God what you’re holding on to and see what He says. We may want to walk away sad. It can be painful; but life in the Kingdom is incredible.

Click here for Sunday’s sermon “Where’s Your Heart” (Mark 10:17-31)

Explaining Reasons

Mark 10:10-12 “Inside the house, the disciples asked him again about this. He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if a wife divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

So, this week’s scripture focus from Mark 10:1-16 has been challenging. Possibly because this passage can bring up many feelings from many different people. I know I had some feelings come up as I am studying this passage and praying over this passage before the Sunday I preach on it. But, I think this is part of the point of scripture. We are not meant to be comfortable in our thinking or our lives. We are supposed to be challenged and dig deeper in to understanding so our lives reflect the life of Jesus Christ.

Jesus has said some vary definite statements to answer the Pharisees’ question about divorce. His disciples were with him and did not seem to understand what he said or even why he said what he did. I love how Jesus takes the time to explain to His disciples what he is teaching to the crowds.

I know when I tell my kids something, they may not understand why. It is important to help them understand so they can develop their minds and reasoning skills. Taking time to explain helps because it is something that will help them understand why they are doing what they’re doing.

It is challenging to me when people do not explain to me what’s going on. How do you feel when things are not explained to you?

A challenge we have for today is to look for opportunities to help those around us to understand by explaining. Helping their reasoning skills is important. Jesus did this for His disciples, and we can do the same thing. This is something I am working on daily.

Separating Out

Mark 10:9 “Therefore, humans must not pull apart what God has put together.”

This is a verse that can get taken out of context, if it is used incorrectly. Remember, yesterday, Jesus was answering the question from the Pharisees about whether or nor it is legal for a man to divorce his wife. Jesus answered it was because of the people’s hardness of heart that Moses allowed divorces to happen.

This verse begins with a “Therefore.” Whenever we see a “therefore,” we have to ask what is that “therefore” there for? It is here because Jesus is continuing his answer to the Pharisee’s question.

We all have been through situations that make us want to separate ourselves and leave. In this context, Jesus is stating that God is the One who joins a man and a woman together, therefore what God has put together, man should not try to separate.

Why would this be a big deal? Let’s think about it. When God brings two people (or materials) together, He is stating there is a purpose behind the union. When God creates, He only makes good things. Therefore, when we separate what God has joined, or created, we end up saying we can do it better.

What are somethings (besides marriage) that God has joined together that would be bad to separate? How about our gifts and our vocations. Our personality and our character. Our faith from our thinking. It is when we combine these (and many other joinings) that we can experience and see fruit and positive growth when we use everything together. If we begin to separate (i.e. our mind from our faith), we begin to not see the big picture; and, become very one-sided.

Therefore, do not separate what God has joined together. God has great plans for you.

Unjoining Union

Mark 10:2-8 “Some Pharisees came and, trying to test him, they asked, “Does the Law allow a man to divorce his wife?” Jesus answered, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a divorce certificate and to divorce his wife.” Jesus said to them, “He wrote this commandment for you because of your unyielding hearts. At the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. Because of this, a man should leave his father and mother and be joined together with his wife, and the two will be one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh.”

Today, we look at a passage that can be a place of argument and division among people. There may be things I say people may not agree with, and that’s okay.

What is happening in this passage? The Pharisees are trying to trap Jesus by getting him to say anything contrary to the Law that was passed down by Moses. In one way, I think, they were trying to show their own superiority based upon their knowledge and were trying to show how “ignorant” or “uninformed” Jesus was. As we already know, Jesus proves the contrary.

The Pharisees were asking about a Law that was given by Moses. Right away, we can see they were elevating Moses to the position of God by saying his law had more authority. Jesus listened to their question, and answered their question directly. Not really going into further details or explanation except what had been written down in the Scriptures. The Pharisees were looking at this life from the point of view of man. Jesus was looking at life from the point of view of God the Father.

So, where does this leave us? I believe there is something in Jesus’ words that we can take out and help guide us today. What was He talking about? Division. Separation. Consequences of doing our own things.

The line that strikes me more than any of the others is “Because of your hardness of hearts…” The people were given what they wanted, a chance to break union “because of their hard hearts;” because of the human rebellious spirit. Now, to be clear on something, I don’t see Jesus here saying that every divorce is because of a person’s rebellious spirit, just wanting to get what ever they want. Commentators point out that Jesus was simply answering the question of the Pharisees. He wasn’t, here, giving regulations or stipulations that are acceptable for divorce.

I do think that Jesus is bringing the human condition to light. We simply want things our way, and will try in whatever manner to get it. Instead of leaving this statement alone and walking away, Jesus points all the way back to the beginning…God. He stressed the basis and purpose of God’s creation of humans, to be in relationship with one another. Then He talks about the two becoming one.

Glue is fun to use. I like to glue objects together to try and fix the brokenness. What happens when I try to take apart something that has been joined together by glue? A mess, the two piece are never the same. There has been an unjoining of the union. The two are no longer part of the one, they are separated. If this were done on people, we would feel a lot of pain.

I believe one of our purposes is to be in relationship with other people. Our relationship with people should be based upon our relationship with God. But our hard, rebellious hearts cause us to not look to God. But, we can go back and see God’s original purpose. At points like this, we can see grace because God has not left us.